The Two Whale Conundrum: Injustice On The Emoji Sea

I want you to do something for me. I want you to whip out your trusty iphone and find me the shark emoji. You know where it is, right? It’s got to be in the nature folder of Emoji’s…

picture of iphone emoji screen

What is going on here? Is it possible that my phone doesn’t have a a shark emoji? Can’t be. Maybe it’s in the standard smiley face emoji folder. I mean, that’s where the most popular ones go…

And nope. Not there either. I’m trying not to panic, but it’s starting to look like there is no shark emoji at all.

So how could this be possible? Sharks are universally acknowledged to be the best fish on the planet. What other water emojis could possibly be more important?

In order to answer this question I’ve decided to analyze the sea emojis we do have. And in doing so, I realized something that made me even more mad. Check out the list below and discover the head scratching realization for yourself.

Emoji Sea Creatures We’ve Sadly Settled On

1. The Octopus (or squid…who truly knows) Emoji.

octopus or squid iphone emoji

I have nothing against this emoji. It’s the only octopus/squid creature in the entire emoji collection. And now while I almost never use it personally, I vouch for the guy. Though I do wish it had more than four tentacles. I can only assume this poor chap has lost half his legs to climate change or a speedboat propeller.

And for your iphone elitists who want a chuckle, this is what Microsoft rolls out for their Octopus emoji:

octopus or squid windows emoji

I can’t independently verify the veracity of the above image.

2. The Empty Shell

empty shell iphone emoji

Before this very moment, I would have said the empty shell serves no purpose on your iphone. And after this moment I’m going to keep on saying it.

3. The Tropical Fish

tropical fish iphone emoji

A perfectly pleasing emoji. We need a fish emoji. And a tropical fish emoji takes the descriptor one level higher. Now I know you’re snorkeling at Trunk Bay in St. John rather than tiptoeing through the murky waters of Cape Cod trying not to get eaten by a great white shark. And I really hope you don’t get eaten by said shark because there isn’t a way to express that in a tiny picture.

4. The Blue Fish Emoji

blue fish iphone emoji

The blue fish is a necessary emoji. We can’t just have one fish and expect that to be a stand in for all fish situations. That would be like all announcers being Al Michaels and none being Johnny Weir.

Johnny Weird and Al Michaels

Simply can’t have it folks. No way, no how.

5. The Leaping Dolphin Emoji

leaping dolphin iphone emoji

The dolphin is a pretty popular mammal, so I have no qualms with its appearance here. However it does draw my attention to the lack of the world’s largest dolphin, the killer whale. How can we not have a Shamu emoji?

shamu iphone emoji

Apple, feel free to load that right into the master directory.

6. The Blow Hole Blue Whale

blue whale iphone emoji

This baby blue whale be blowin’ some salty sea and I love him dearly. Put that to song, it’s just that beautiful. This is one of my favorite emojis and it 1000% deserves its place on the iphone.

7. The Usurper

humpback whale iphone emoji

And this folks, is why we’re here. The Usurper. The gray humpback whale. Why, oh why, do you exist?

Think about this. We have zero sharks and two whales. TWO WHALES! There is no amount of logic or rationale that could possibly explain the Two Whale Conundrum. And yes, I capitalized the Two Whale Conundrum. It’s just that important.

If we had to give one sea creature the boot in order to get our shark in, I’m voting the second whale. I’ll accept arguments for the empty shell, but at least that isn’t redundant. And I suppose you could send the shell to your friend if you think he or she is either a psycopath (body with no soul) or a dummy (head with no brain).

In sum, Apple and whoever else might need to be contacted to make this change happen, I beg of you:

Give us our shark.

Because it’s not the emoji this country wants. It’s the emoji this country needs.

batman shark signal light