Curie Wristband Allows CEO To Control Spider Army

Forget the Apple Watch… The Intel Curie computer chip is the next big thing in wristband innovation. How do I know? Maybe because you can control an army of evil spider robot murderers with the simple wave of your hand? Is this something the Apple Watch can do? Because if it is, I still haven’t stumbled on the app for it.

There are certain factions of our office that will view the above paragraph as libelous, uncalled for and rude to the umpteenth degree. That’s fine. I’m a big boy. I can take the criticsm. Come at me he-who-shall-not-be-named.*

Okay, so you don’t see yourself commanding a robot army any time soon. Well, how about turning your music up with a gesture? Turning off the lights with a flick of your wrists? And that pesky tv remote that always finds itself between the two cushions you NEVER sit on? You won’t need it. Teach the Curie chip a simple gesture for turning off the tv or flipping through channels and you’ll not only be the ultimate couch potato, you’ll literally turn into a chip.

I’m not sure yet which devices will carry this awesome chip. That’s up to the innovative wearables engineers of the world to decide. Here’s hoping they get on it soon!

*Tim. It’s Tim. I named you. Voldemort, you sir, are not.